couple other questions: 1) in detail can someone explain how the fight between Black Widow and Hawkeye/Thor and Hulk go down?
Black Widow/ Hawkeye.. Black Widow just escaped Hulk, as Eric turns into him.. she then runs into Hawkeye who is under Loki's spell, he then begins to fight her and doges his attacks and hits back , she then knocks him out making him come back to normal.. Thor / Hulk Hulk runs into Thor trying to escape the aircraft with a bunch of aircrafts around them, Thor insists on him controlling his anger and target the actual problem, and Hulk cant contain his rage so he attacks Thor by bashing him into other aircrafts and Thor gets knocked back but continues to punch Hulk, they both are strong against each other.. Thor then reaches for his hammer, and once it reaches his hands he knock finally takes the lead in the fight, Hulk tries to take the hammer but of coarse cant hold it, Thor than knocks him back before a aircraft starts shooting Hulk, Hulk then jumps out the window and attacks the aircraft. Hulk than falls to the ground and turns back into human form which see in a couple scenes after the fall.
2)What does Maria Hill do in terms of action scenes?does she say this line"Who would bring those people together and not expect what would happen?"? She does some martial arts skills, like rolling over and dodging bullets and also drives a car chasing Loki but is later trapped by rocks.. she is seen throughout instructing Nick on updates.. im unsure about the line by i think i heard her say something like that.
3)List in any order the best "OMG" and cool action scene of the main six characters. OMG Moments
When agent Courson dies.. Hulk in human form yells at Black Widow in the beginning making audiences jump. The final epic battle in new York.. The after credit scene with Thanos. Thor getting dropped out of the sky by Loki trapped in a carrier. Hulk's funny moments and his control over his anger.
Cool scenes..
Captain America: his battle against some of the soldiers who try to stop him from repairing the aircraft, his knockouts of the aliens proving to the cops he is a worthy hero. Black Widow: her fight with Hawkeye was quite well done, Her fighting some of the aliens and closing the worm portle, also running away from Hulk. Hulk: he had numerous scenes such as saving Iron Man, destroying aliens and their pods, fighting Thor, punching Thor as a joke (funniest scene). Iron Man: diverting the nuclear missile to outer space, him fighting Thor when they first meet which is interrupted by capt. america, fighting the aliens by flying around and shooting etc. Thor: his fights against Loki, fight with iron man and hulk, his battle against the aliens by using his hammer and electrocuting them, and also helping closing the portal. Hawkeye: His assault on the aliens as they make him fall of the building, his arrows aiming to destroy alien pods and knocking them off.. and his team up with Black Widow and Capt America down on the ground as they try fend off the aliens.
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INTERNET MOVIE REVIEWING LEGEND NEILL CUMPSTON HAS REVIEWED THE AVENGERS
PURE INSANITY AHEAD
THE IRON MAN PART III
I got to see a preview of The Iron Man Part III on Friday morning and I had to wait this long to write what I thought about it. Partly because my mom was using the computer to fight with someone who kept posting pictures of lactating Asian chicks on her Etsy page’s comment thread, and also because the first two times I tried writing about Iron Man Part III all I did was type FUCK over and over again. The second time, I bolded it.
That’s how awesome this movie is and it’s like with this and Rising Up Batman coming out in July? Basically this summer is like if a motorcycle with Olivia Wilde’s face could give you a hand job.
First off, Iron Man isn’t even the only superhero in the movie. There’s like five other heroes – Mr. Hammer, Soldier Man, Leather Spider, Scowly Arrow and Green Ferrigno. And what’s really cool is that you first get to see them basically beat the shit out of each other for the first hour, and then they beat the shit out of this dude who looks like Zooey Deschanel wearing a magician costume and his army of alien penis-looking-dudes wearing armor and riding these flying space-scooters. So it’s basically two ass-kicking movies, and anytime there isn’t ass-kicking Sam Jackson comes in and yells at people, which should happen in every movie.
Also, I hate when movie reviews say shit like, “Oh, and there’s a tension between this dude and that girl and also the plot has multi-somethings and blah blah blah”. It’s like a scented candle is telling me what it thought of the movie. I don’t want a scented candle telling me anything. The only thing I want a scented candle to do is go up Justin Bieber’s butt while I shoot bottle rockets at him.
So let me just save you some time and say this movie will break your hand with its cock and balls by running at your hand which you’ve made into a fist, thinking, “I’m gonna punch this movie in its cock and balls ‘cause no fucking way can it be good” but then before you do anything the movie runs at you and breaks your hand with its cock and balls because its cock and balls are like a chunk of highway. They can use this part of the review on the poster.
So here’s all of the cool shit you get to see:
Leather Spider’s ass with leather on it A lot of Solider Man throwing his shield and fucking things up with it, including Mr. Hammer The guy from The Kids Are Alright (I think it’s the same character) getting pissed off and turning into Green Ferrigno and beating the shit out of everything, including buildings and airplanes and streets and I just came Also, Green Ferringo has a scene near the end where everyone around just went apeshit it’s so cool and also I just came again Mr. Hammer and Iron Man III whomping the Cheetos out of each other but then becoming barely friends enough to start whomping the space-Cheetos out of the Zooey Deschanel guy and all of his penis aliens Iron Man III doing something crazy-ass heroic at the end that you don’t see coming Scowly Arrow being super-fucked up and kind of scary in the first part of the movie, and then getting super-angry about what happened to him in the first part of the movie and getting even scarier and scowly-er in the second half. He also shoots a lot of arrows. Again, the Green Ferrigno scene at the end. I didn’t come this time writing about it. Oh, also: (MAJOR SPOILERS):
Stay for after the credits. There’s two bonus scenes.
One scene is where the words, “Oh” “My”, “Fucking” and “God” come out to apologize for not being up for the job of describing how awesome this movie is.
The second scene is the actual film itself – in film cans – beating the shit out of the actual film The Lucky One, also in film cans. It ends with The Lucky One saying, “I’m a scented candle” and then pooing itself.
Lmfao, that was fucking hilarious, but who is that person?
He's the greatest reviewer of all time. Here's his Matrix Reloaded review from 2003. Yes, you WILL want to read all of it.
MATRIX: KINGDOM OF ASS-KICKING
Jim-Jammity Jesus Krispy Kreme Christ on a twat-rocket, this movie blew me apart and put me back together only after I’d got put back I felt like I had thirteen dicks and they’d all gotten blown by a surfer chick with 26 heads (2 mouths on each cock). I will see it ten times and if I see Star Wars George or that gay Batman director butt-hole any time during the ten screenings here comes Mr. Punch.
This is the sequel to the MATRIX Movie that came out four years ago and after seeing it I can say I could have waited another four years it is that fucking good. This movie is a pillowcase with soda cans inside that beats the living mule-fuck out of you but you’re all like, “Bring it on honky tonk” because the beating feels like summer and Halloween and Cheetos at the same time. This movie is Mad Max’s shotgun-gun from ROAD WARRIOR, only it shoots ass-kicking only at jocks. This movie is tits!
WARNING: THIS PARAGRAPH IS ABOUT THE PLOT AND IT’S BORING AND THERE’S NO ASS-KICKING IN IT BUT I USE THE WORD “FUCK” THREE TIMES TO HELP GET THROUGH IT
I still don’t get the plot of the first one, and this one’s all talking about “choices” (over and over again to where you think you’re watching that fucking Chicktime network) and “prophecies” and especially words like “anomaly” and “exile” (and who the fuck even knows what those words mean?) and there’s this long speech at the end that I also didn’t get. Also, you find out all this deep stuff, like about The Cookie Lady from the first movie and they introduce all these other characters like a Key Guy and a Frenchie Dude and another Frenchie but guess what it’s okay ‘cuz the other Frenchie’s a chick and she’s got cleavage you could hide a rump roast in and also this ex-girlfriend of Murphus and there’s this new guy on the ship flying it around, I think he’s from OZ (don’t worry, no butt rape). And Neo and Memento Babe are all PDA every second, and they also “do it” and one time I thought I saw Memento Babe’s nip but it was one of those metal ring things that everyone’s got on ‘em so no jacking off when the DVD comes out.
NOW ALL ASS-KICKING UNTIL THE END
So that’s the plot but here’s the thing: you could wear headphones and listen to Dio during this whole movie and you wouldn’t miss anything, there’s so much ass-kicking going on. That Smith Dude is back, only now he can make more Smith Dudes and do they each know how to kick ass? Like a Heroclix collector knows how to not get pussy. Plus he’s got this other ability that’s really fucking scary and I think it might have something to do with the next movie.
ASS-KICKING #1: Neo fights those Blues Brothers-looking dudes and it’s pretty fucking cool. But it’s just a teaser, like when they have pictures of the food at Jack in the Box, and the tacos look all good in the picture, but then you get some and they look like they got pooped out of a pig. But you eat ‘em because there’s fries coming. In this movie there’s ALWAYS fries coming. 6.
HEADS UP: There’s a lot of boring stuff between Ass-Kicking 1 and 2. There’s a sermon by the dude who was in OMEGA MAN, and this underground dance thing that looks like if Pottery Barn had a rave on the Planet of the Gay Apes – but the rave thing is where Neo and Memento Babe “do it”. I am bringing my headphones when I see this again on the 15th.
ASS-KICKING #2: Neo and a Kung Fu Phooey go at it in a picnic restaurant. They kick over a big thing of chopsticks, which is kind of cool, and Kung Fu Phooey wears these cool little sunglasses, but that’s it. 5. And then Neo and Cookie Lady talk. Then chiggity-check your rectum ‘cuz here comes:
ASS-KICKING #2: This fight on a playground where like a hundred Smith Dudes are whomping on Neo like a fat girl eating Fiddle Faddle – it’s that intense. Holy shit. The thing goes on for like five minutes and just when you’re thinking, “Fuck you Star Wars George” it goes on for another five minutes and then Neo flies away like that Greatest American Hero dude. 10.
ASS-KICKING #3: Neo, Murphus and Memento Babe go to a French restaurant in the Matrix and there’s this French dick and you’re thinking, “Fuck you for not supporting us against Egypt”, and then Neo goes whomp-ass happy on the dude’s cohorts while Murphus and Trinity free this Key Dude and fight these Edgar Winter guys with dreadlocks who can turn into ghosts. 8.
HERE’S WHERE I WISH THE ENGLISH LANGUAGE ONLY HAD THE WORDS “HOLY” “FUCKING” AND “SHIT”
ASS-KICKING #4 – 28: That’s right, this next scene feels like 24 ass-kickings. Seriously, the rest of the summer is going to suck busboy cock for ketchup packets compared to this scene.
HOLY
Murphus and Memento Babe have to escape on a huge freeway (which is a no-no in the Matrix; “It’s suicide!” says Memento Babe, or something like that I can’t remember for sure) while the Ghost Guys chase them, plus the Smiths, who keep taking over the drivers on the freeway and they’re shooting and everything’s blowing up for miles and
FUCKING
Memento Babe has to go against the traffic on a fucking motorcycle and they keep trying to smash her and Murphus takes out the Ghost Guys in this totally cool way and the fucking samurai sword and the head-on crash and
!!!SHIT!!!
the fucking Blues Brothers guys and razors and swordfight on top of a truck and Memento Babe flying through the air and out of nowhere Neo and I am out!!of!!cum!! 10 10 10 10 10 10 10 10 10 10 10 10 10 10 10 10 10 10 10 10 10 10 10 10 10 10 10 10
And there’s a whole other ass-kicking after this, which I can barely remember because, seriously, that fucking chase scene. It’s now #2 on my list of all-time chases, ahead of ARK RAIDERS, where Blade Runner gets dragged behind the Nazi truck (#5), and then DYING IN LOS ANGELES, where CSI is driving the car against the traffic (#4) and then TAXI RONIN, where Taxi Driver guy goes the wrong way down that French tunnel, and also because they keep running over French people (#3), and now MATRIX, right behind BANDIT AND THE FAT GAY GUY 2, where all the police cars and all the trucks play chicken out in the desert (#1).
Neo needs to fight Blade and that fat bald guy from STIR CRAZY.
Then Murphus and Neo and Memento Babe try to raid some sort of central something, like the CPU in TRON, something like that. Smith Dude re-appears, Neo has a talk with a new character, someone dies and someone’s reborn. Then something gets destroyed (good), something else gets destroyed (bad), and Neo discovers a new power. Then something BIG gets destroyed (really really bad), and someone lives who shouldn’t.
MY HINT: Stay through the credits and you get to see a trailer for MATRIX: YOU WILL SHIT, the third movie.
That’s it. Best movie of the year. I still want to see HULK-MAN and the werewolf thing and I think there’s something where you get to see a hot Asian’s boobs, but they’re not going to get close to this one. Here’s my blurb if they’re putting blurbs in ads:
“MATRIX: KINGDOM OF ASS-KICKING is like if all of Anthrax’s albums formed into a hot chick who had to fuck you ten times a day or she gets pee-cancer.”
With a script that never forgets its heroes' humanity and no shortage of superpowered set pieces, The Avengers lives up to its hype -- and raises the bar for Marvel at the movies.
Saw it last night. Thought I'd share too that before the movie started someone behind me was saying how it's sad there's no more Harry Potter movies to look forward to, made me sad
Anyway, I loved it! The action scenes were by far some of the best action scenes I've seen before. They were just so amazing in every way. I think it would have been better if I had seen The Hulk and Captain America before I saw this as I really didn't know their back stories that well. Maybe it was just me too but I found the beginning of it just a bit boring, maybe it was because I was quite tired during the movie but really besides that, it definitely delivers. Some great humor too!
So...er...Boxoffice.com is predicting an Opening Weekend of $170,000,000 ($1 million higher than DH2's, the largest OW gross of all time).
BO.com is generally rather correct on these predictions, especially this close to the release date, and domestic tracking numbers are huge. Of course, I fully expect this to be steamrolled by TDKR's near-$200m opening weekend, but I really don't want this to beat Potter's record right now. I'd rather TDKR be #1 and Potter #2, if Potter had to lose the spot.
Either way, we're looking at a record-breaking year in terms of opening weekends. The Hunger Games opened to $152m, Avengers will open around $170m, Dark Knight Rises around $180m and Breaking Dawn P2 around $150m. The Hobbit, too, if it can muster over $100m.
Like Yates said, box office doesn't matter, one film will break a record, and the next year another one will come along and do better. The only times when box office really matters is in the case of something like John Carter and you see how poorly it did and you're like fuuuuuck
But basically, all of these popular films that have incredible hype and marketing, you know, they all sort of share and bask in high numbers. It's not really about which film makes the most money because truth be told, unless you're some fanboy comparing geek penises on the merit of box office numbers, nobody in the "outside world" really gives two fucking craps about how much money a movie makes. Go on, find someone that doesn't dwell on the internet that can tell you how much money any specific movie they know of made. Hell, right now I can't even tell you how much Deathly Hallows Part 2 made because it doesn't matter. It made a shitload of money and that's all that mattered... to the studio.
I would consider myself a fanboy comparing a geek penis, and I like to talk about box office numbers because it's good sport and it's fun to predict and like most others I enjoy seeing my favorite films succeed at the B.O. because it's good to know that a film receives the support it deserves. Of course box office doesn't equal merit but it's good sport to follow. And that's why I follow it.
I would consider myself a fanboy comparing a geek penis, and I like to talk about box office numbers because it's good sport and it's fun to predict and like most others I enjoy seeing my favorite films succeed at the B.O. because it's good to know that a film receives the support it deserves. Of course box office doesn't equal merit but it's good sport to follow. And that's why I follow it.
Well, the last time a film got a ridiculously high RT rating and everyone splooging their pants, it was Cabin in the Woods.
Needless to say, I've always found Whedon to be pretty mediocre -- Firefly was okay but Serenity was terrible. His involvement with Cabin should have been the first alarm, and it was, so I should have trusted my own personal instincts a bit more.
Well, the last time a film got a ridiculously high RT rating and everyone splooging their pants, it was Cabin in the Woods.
Needless to say, I've always found Whedon to be pretty mediocre -- Firefly was okay but Serenity was terrible. His involvement with Cabin should have been the first alarm, and it was, so I should have trusted my own personal instincts a bit more.
So effed up that everyone else gets it before America.
Wow, chill, it's just a week away in the USA. Think of how other countries gets 90% of the movies at least a month after America. Just one little movie that comes a week early in some countries and you're complaining?
As I've said so many times... God, it's so easy to be an American ¬¬
So effed up that everyone else gets it before America.
Wow, chill, it's just a week away in the USA. Think of how other countries gets 90% of the movies at least a month after America. Just one little movie that comes a week early in some countries and you're complaining?
As I've said so many times... God, it's so easy to be an American ¬¬
I went in with sky high expectations, and I confess myself disappointed as it did not live up to them at all. Don't get me wrong, this is a fantastical film, a thirlling, fun and exciting action film. The characterization is just incredible, Joss Whedon is just a masterful writer. Sadly, his directing skills don't even compare to his writing. He's decent but his choice of shooting style (mainly the decision of shooting it in 1:85:1) really make it look way less cinematic than it should look. Apart from this, let me tell you, the action sequences are just intense! The New York climax is one of the best climatic sequences I've ever seen on film. You just can't miss this film. 2012's blockbuster season couldn't have started in a better way. 8/10
Comments
Black Widow just escaped Hulk, as Eric turns into him.. she then runs into Hawkeye who is under Loki's spell, he then begins to fight her and doges his attacks and hits back , she then knocks him out making him come back to normal..
Thor / Hulk
Hulk runs into Thor trying to escape the aircraft with a bunch of aircrafts around them, Thor insists on him controlling his anger and target the actual problem, and Hulk cant contain his rage so he attacks Thor by bashing him into other aircrafts and Thor gets knocked back but continues to punch Hulk, they both are strong against each other.. Thor then reaches for his hammer, and once it reaches his hands he knock finally takes the lead in the fight, Hulk tries to take the hammer but of coarse cant hold it, Thor than knocks him back before a aircraft starts shooting Hulk, Hulk then jumps out the window and attacks the aircraft. Hulk than falls to the ground and turns back into human form which see in a couple scenes after the fall.
2)What does Maria Hill do in terms of action scenes?does she say this line"Who would bring those people together and not expect what would happen?"?
She does some martial arts skills, like rolling over and dodging bullets and also drives a car chasing Loki but is later trapped by rocks.. she is seen throughout instructing Nick on updates.. im unsure about the line by i think i heard her say something like that.
3)List in any order the best "OMG" and cool action scene of the main six characters.
OMG Moments
Hulk in human form yells at Black Widow in the beginning making audiences jump.
The final epic battle in new York..
The after credit scene with Thanos.
Thor getting dropped out of the sky by Loki trapped in a carrier.
Hulk's funny moments and his control over his anger.
Cool scenes..
Black Widow: her fight with Hawkeye was quite well done, Her fighting some of the aliens and closing the worm portle, also running away from Hulk.
Hulk: he had numerous scenes such as saving Iron Man, destroying aliens and their pods, fighting Thor, punching Thor as a joke (funniest scene).
Iron Man: diverting the nuclear missile to outer space, him fighting Thor when they first meet which is interrupted by capt. america, fighting the aliens by flying around and shooting etc.
Thor: his fights against Loki, fight with iron man and hulk, his battle against the aliens by using his hammer and electrocuting them, and also helping closing the portal.
Hawkeye: His assault on the aliens as they make him fall of the building, his arrows aiming to destroy alien pods and knocking them off.. and his team up with Black Widow and Capt America down on the ground as they try fend off the aliens.
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And I don't care of this post is from over almost 2 weeks ago.
INTERNET MOVIE REVIEWING LEGEND NEILL CUMPSTON HAS REVIEWED THE AVENGERS
PURE INSANITY AHEAD
THE IRON MAN PART III
I got to see a preview of The Iron Man Part III on Friday morning and I had to wait this long to write what I thought about it. Partly because my mom was using the computer to fight with someone who kept posting pictures of lactating Asian chicks on her Etsy page’s comment thread, and also because the first two times I tried writing about Iron Man Part III all I did was type FUCK over and over again. The second time, I bolded it.
That’s how awesome this movie is and it’s like with this and Rising Up Batman coming out in July? Basically this summer is like if a motorcycle with Olivia Wilde’s face could give you a hand job.
First off, Iron Man isn’t even the only superhero in the movie. There’s like five other heroes – Mr. Hammer, Soldier Man, Leather Spider, Scowly Arrow and Green Ferrigno. And what’s really cool is that you first get to see them basically beat the shit out of each other for the first hour, and then they beat the shit out of this dude who looks like Zooey Deschanel wearing a magician costume and his army of alien penis-looking-dudes wearing armor and riding these flying space-scooters. So it’s basically two ass-kicking movies, and anytime there isn’t ass-kicking Sam Jackson comes in and yells at people, which should happen in every movie.
Also, I hate when movie reviews say shit like, “Oh, and there’s a tension between this dude and that girl and also the plot has multi-somethings and blah blah blah”. It’s like a scented candle is telling me what it thought of the movie. I don’t want a scented candle telling me anything. The only thing I want a scented candle to do is go up Justin Bieber’s butt while I shoot bottle rockets at him.
So let me just save you some time and say this movie will break your hand with its cock and balls by running at your hand which you’ve made into a fist, thinking, “I’m gonna punch this movie in its cock and balls ‘cause no fucking way can it be good” but then before you do anything the movie runs at you and breaks your hand with its cock and balls because its cock and balls are like a chunk of highway. They can use this part of the review on the poster.
So here’s all of the cool shit you get to see:
Leather Spider’s ass with leather on it
A lot of Solider Man throwing his shield and fucking things up with it, including Mr. Hammer
The guy from The Kids Are Alright (I think it’s the same character) getting pissed off and turning into Green Ferrigno and beating the shit out of everything, including buildings and airplanes and streets and I just came
Also, Green Ferringo has a scene near the end where everyone around just went apeshit it’s so cool and also I just came again
Mr. Hammer and Iron Man III whomping the Cheetos out of each other but then becoming barely friends enough to start whomping the space-Cheetos out of the Zooey Deschanel guy and all of his penis aliens
Iron Man III doing something crazy-ass heroic at the end that you don’t see coming
Scowly Arrow being super-fucked up and kind of scary in the first part of the movie, and then getting super-angry about what happened to him in the first part of the movie and getting even scarier and scowly-er in the second half. He also shoots a lot of arrows.
Again, the Green Ferrigno scene at the end. I didn’t come this time writing about it.
Oh, also: (MAJOR SPOILERS):
Stay for after the credits. There’s two bonus scenes.
One scene is where the words, “Oh” “My”, “Fucking” and “God” come out to apologize for not being up for the job of describing how awesome this movie is.
The second scene is the actual film itself – in film cans – beating the shit out of the actual film The Lucky One, also in film cans. It ends with The Lucky One saying, “I’m a scented candle” and then pooing itself.
MATRIX: KINGDOM OF ASS-KICKING
Jim-Jammity Jesus Krispy Kreme Christ on a twat-rocket, this movie blew me apart and put me back together only after I’d got put back I felt like I had thirteen dicks and they’d all gotten blown by a surfer chick with 26 heads (2 mouths on each cock). I will see it ten times and if I see Star Wars George or that gay Batman director butt-hole any time during the ten screenings here comes Mr. Punch.
This is the sequel to the MATRIX Movie that came out four years ago and after seeing it I can say I could have waited another four years it is that fucking good. This movie is a pillowcase with soda cans inside that beats the living mule-fuck out of you but you’re all like, “Bring it on honky tonk” because the beating feels like summer and Halloween and Cheetos at the same time. This movie is Mad Max’s shotgun-gun from ROAD WARRIOR, only it shoots ass-kicking only at jocks. This movie is tits!
WARNING: THIS PARAGRAPH IS ABOUT THE PLOT AND IT’S BORING AND THERE’S NO ASS-KICKING IN IT BUT I USE THE WORD “FUCK” THREE TIMES TO HELP GET THROUGH IT
I still don’t get the plot of the first one, and this one’s all talking about “choices” (over and over again to where you think you’re watching that fucking Chicktime network) and “prophecies” and especially words like “anomaly” and “exile” (and who the fuck even knows what those words mean?) and there’s this long speech at the end that I also didn’t get. Also, you find out all this deep stuff, like about The Cookie Lady from the first movie and they introduce all these other characters like a Key Guy and a Frenchie Dude and another Frenchie but guess what it’s okay ‘cuz the other Frenchie’s a chick and she’s got cleavage you could hide a rump roast in and also this ex-girlfriend of Murphus and there’s this new guy on the ship flying it around, I think he’s from OZ (don’t worry, no butt rape). And Neo and Memento Babe are all PDA every second, and they also “do it” and one time I thought I saw Memento Babe’s nip but it was one of those metal ring things that everyone’s got on ‘em so no jacking off when the DVD comes out.
NOW ALL ASS-KICKING UNTIL THE END
So that’s the plot but here’s the thing: you could wear headphones and listen to Dio during this whole movie and you wouldn’t miss anything, there’s so much ass-kicking going on. That Smith Dude is back, only now he can make more Smith Dudes and do they each know how to kick ass? Like a Heroclix collector knows how to not get pussy. Plus he’s got this other ability that’s really fucking scary and I think it might have something to do with the next movie.
ASS-KICKING #1: Neo fights those Blues Brothers-looking dudes and it’s pretty fucking cool. But it’s just a teaser, like when they have pictures of the food at Jack in the Box, and the tacos look all good in the picture, but then you get some and they look like they got pooped out of a pig. But you eat ‘em because there’s fries coming. In this movie there’s ALWAYS fries coming. 6.
HEADS UP: There’s a lot of boring stuff between Ass-Kicking 1 and 2. There’s a sermon by the dude who was in OMEGA MAN, and this underground dance thing that looks like if Pottery Barn had a rave on the Planet of the Gay Apes – but the rave thing is where Neo and Memento Babe “do it”. I am bringing my headphones when I see this again on the 15th.
ASS-KICKING #2: Neo and a Kung Fu Phooey go at it in a picnic restaurant. They kick over a big thing of chopsticks, which is kind of cool, and Kung Fu Phooey wears these cool little sunglasses, but that’s it. 5. And then Neo and Cookie Lady talk. Then chiggity-check your rectum ‘cuz here comes:
ASS-KICKING #2: This fight on a playground where like a hundred Smith Dudes are whomping on Neo like a fat girl eating Fiddle Faddle – it’s that intense. Holy shit. The thing goes on for like five minutes and just when you’re thinking, “Fuck you Star Wars George” it goes on for another five minutes and then Neo flies away like that Greatest American Hero dude. 10.
ASS-KICKING #3: Neo, Murphus and Memento Babe go to a French restaurant in the Matrix and there’s this French dick and you’re thinking, “Fuck you for not supporting us against Egypt”, and then Neo goes whomp-ass happy on the dude’s cohorts while Murphus and Trinity free this Key Dude and fight these Edgar Winter guys with dreadlocks who can turn into ghosts. 8.
HERE’S WHERE I WISH THE ENGLISH LANGUAGE ONLY HAD THE WORDS “HOLY” “FUCKING” AND “SHIT”
ASS-KICKING #4 – 28: That’s right, this next scene feels like 24 ass-kickings. Seriously, the rest of the summer is going to suck busboy cock for ketchup packets compared to this scene.
HOLY
Murphus and Memento Babe have to escape on a huge freeway (which is a no-no in the Matrix; “It’s suicide!” says Memento Babe, or something like that I can’t remember for sure) while the Ghost Guys chase them, plus the Smiths, who keep taking over the drivers on the freeway and they’re shooting and everything’s blowing up for miles and
FUCKING
Memento Babe has to go against the traffic on a fucking motorcycle and they keep trying to smash her and Murphus takes out the Ghost Guys in this totally cool way and the fucking samurai sword and the head-on crash and
!!!SHIT!!!
the fucking Blues Brothers guys and razors and swordfight on top of a truck and Memento Babe flying through the air and out of nowhere Neo and I am out!!of!!cum!! 10 10 10 10 10 10 10 10 10 10 10 10 10 10 10 10 10 10 10 10 10 10 10 10 10 10 10 10
And there’s a whole other ass-kicking after this, which I can barely remember because, seriously, that fucking chase scene. It’s now #2 on my list of all-time chases, ahead of ARK RAIDERS, where Blade Runner gets dragged behind the Nazi truck (#5), and then DYING IN LOS ANGELES, where CSI is driving the car against the traffic (#4) and then TAXI RONIN, where Taxi Driver guy goes the wrong way down that French tunnel, and also because they keep running over French people (#3), and now MATRIX, right behind BANDIT AND THE FAT GAY GUY 2, where all the police cars and all the trucks play chicken out in the desert (#1).
Neo needs to fight Blade and that fat bald guy from STIR CRAZY.
Then Murphus and Neo and Memento Babe try to raid some sort of central something, like the CPU in TRON, something like that. Smith Dude re-appears, Neo has a talk with a new character, someone dies and someone’s reborn. Then something gets destroyed (good), something else gets destroyed (bad), and Neo discovers a new power. Then something BIG gets destroyed (really really bad), and someone lives who shouldn’t.
MY HINT: Stay through the credits and you get to see a trailer for MATRIX: YOU WILL SHIT, the third movie.
That’s it. Best movie of the year. I still want to see HULK-MAN and the werewolf thing and I think there’s something where you get to see a hot Asian’s boobs, but they’re not going to get close to this one. Here’s my blurb if they’re putting blurbs in ads:
“MATRIX: KINGDOM OF ASS-KICKING is like if all of Anthrax’s albums formed into a hot chick who had to fuck you ten times a day or she gets pee-cancer.”
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With a script that never forgets its heroes' humanity and no shortage of superpowered set pieces, The Avengers lives up to its hype -- and raises the bar for Marvel at the movies.
Fresh: 50 Rotten: 2
Anyway, I loved it! The action scenes were by far some of the best action scenes I've seen before. They were just so amazing in every way. I think it would have been better if I had seen The Hulk and Captain America before I saw this as I really didn't know their back stories that well. Maybe it was just me too but I found the beginning of it just a bit boring, maybe it was because I was quite tired during the movie but really besides that, it definitely delivers. Some great humor too!
I'll give it 8/10 for now.
It was SO freaking AWESOME!
I loved it! Enjoyed every minute and also
enjoyed seeing all together, you are going to enjoy it a lot!
Hulk was hilarious as fuck
Would like to watch it again
BO.com is generally rather correct on these predictions, especially this close to the release date, and domestic tracking numbers are huge. Of course, I fully expect this to be steamrolled by TDKR's near-$200m opening weekend, but I really don't want this to beat Potter's record right now.
Either way, we're looking at a record-breaking year in terms of opening weekends. The Hunger Games opened to $152m, Avengers will open around $170m, Dark Knight Rises around $180m and Breaking Dawn P2 around $150m. The Hobbit, too, if it can muster over $100m.
But basically, all of these popular films that have incredible hype and marketing, you know, they all sort of share and bask in high numbers. It's not really about which film makes the most money because truth be told, unless you're some fanboy comparing geek penises on the merit of box office numbers, nobody in the "outside world" really gives two fucking craps about how much money a movie makes. Go on, find someone that doesn't dwell on the internet that can tell you how much money any specific movie they know of made. Hell, right now I can't even tell you how much Deathly Hallows Part 2 made because it doesn't matter. It made a shitload of money and that's all that mattered... to the studio.
Needless to say, I've always found Whedon to be pretty mediocre -- Firefly was okay but Serenity was terrible. His involvement with Cabin should have been the first alarm, and it was, so I should have trusted my own personal instincts a bit more.
That being said, I am cautiously optimistic.
Think of how other countries gets 90% of the movies at least a month after America. Just one little movie that comes a week early in some countries and you're complaining?
As I've said so many times...
God, it's so easy to be an American ¬¬
http://www.putlocker.com/file/A532A5B43EBFDFA8#
I went in with sky high expectations, and I confess myself disappointed as it did not live up to them at all. Don't get me wrong, this is a fantastical film, a thirlling, fun and exciting action film. The characterization is just incredible, Joss Whedon is just a masterful writer. Sadly, his directing skills don't even compare to his writing. He's decent but his choice of shooting style (mainly the decision of shooting it in 1:85:1) really make it look way less cinematic than it should look. Apart from this, let me tell you, the action sequences are just intense! The New York climax is one of the best climatic sequences I've ever seen on film. You just can't miss this film. 2012's blockbuster season couldn't have started in a better way.
8/10